My Testimony

As I was spending time with God this week, He laid on my heart to share my testimony for this blog. I pray that this will encourage you and bless your heart. Our story's are so important because it demonstrates God's power and faithfulness to change lives. Our stories also show how God's ways are higher than our own. We could never make it without Him. He is the reason that I stand here today in confidence. There's this one saying that I live by and it's this, "God's grace carried me here, and it is by His grace that I'll get through".

Growing up I lived a pretty normal childhood, I was always a level headed kid. I was born and raised in a Pastor's home (and lived the full PK lifestyle lol). My whole life revolved around church and in the ministry. As I grew older, I started taking my relationship with God seriously at 12 years of age when I gave my heart to the Lord. I then went through water baptism and in 2013, I received the baptism in the Holy Spirit. Life was great, my relationship with God was strong, and It was a vey pivotal time in my life that I'll always cherish and hold onto. As years passed by, things started to go downhill for me. My walk with God became distant and things felt very bleak. It all started when I hit the latter part of Junior high and during high school. I was the type of person who found it very hard to fit in and to connect with people. And to be honest, I didn't really have the same interest nor was I into the party lifestyle. I was the artsy kid, you'd find me in the music room apart of the school choir. I also took drama class and I absolutely loved it. It was my way of escape from all the chaos in my life, it was a place where I could fully be myself. During my time in junior high, I was bullied and the word, "anxiety" came knocking at my door. There were many days that I didn't want to get up out of bed or face those people at school. But it wasn't only my peers that I didn't want to face, It was Doctors, Guidance Counsellors, and Principles... Those were my biggest bullies.

I remember hearing the words at the age of 7 from a Paediatrician , "Noelle has (ADD). She'll never graduate or get a degree. And if she does graduate, she'll only work an odd job. She won't be able to live on her own". Once I heard those words it cut me like a knife. As years passed, school Principles and Guidance Counsellors would tell me, "You're not going to make it, you're going to fail". Those words repeated in my mind over and over and one day as I came home from school, I remember grabbing a steak knife from the kitchen, I locked myself in the bathroom (no one was home at the time). I then laid the knife on top of the bathroom sink and got down on my knees crying out to God asking Him to take me because I didn't want to live anymore. I remember thinking in that moment, "If what these people are saying about me is true, then what is the purpose of my life?" Jesus met me on the bathroom floor that day. He told me,"Noelle, I came to this earth and lived a perfect life, was tempted in every way and died a death that humanity deserved to die. Noelle, I paid the price, I died for you. Taking your own life is not the answer, I love you Noelle. Those words that they spoke over you are lies. Read and study my word." After God spoke to me so much love filled the room. God filled me with so much joy.

But I still had struggles, it wasn't just anxiety that knocked on my door, the spirit of offence and anger came right along with it once high school came. I opened the door to the wrong things and it invaded my heart and mind. People often classified me as this perfect, quiet girl who loved Jesus and was always happy. The truth is even though I loved Jesus, I wasn't happy. On the inside I was rotten with anger to the point where my own soul could've ended up in a lost eternity. I became bitter against the church, the bullies, and situations that happened in my life. I really believed that all hope was gone for me, deep down I knew that the Lord had a calling on my life, and at 16 when I was still struggling, God called me. I just knew that I had to say yes, so after High school, I went straight to Bible College. Throughout the four years God began to work on my heart. Those moments were hard, but I let go of what I held onto and God flooded my heart with His love! I am set free and no longer have the spirit of offence, anger, and suicide on my life anymore! I give all praise to God for all that He has done for me. He has filled me with a double portion and i'm no longer the same <3

With all this to say, I Graduated high school as a honours student and received my bachelor's Degree from Bible College with a scholarship in my third year. I travelled back alone from two missions trips and I remember God sustaining me the whole way. I lived on my own and have a sustainable life for myself. All because of Jesus! He put a new name tag on me. This isn't about proving people wrong, It's about the power that is in Christ Jesus! What the enemy intended for evil, God turned it around for His good and His glory (Genesis 50:20). I am fully devoted to Him because He brought me from my lowest moment and placed me in positions that are better than what I thought. I love my calling and more importantly, I love Jesus who is my best friend.

Society tried to write my narrative but God stepped in and ripped up what society wrote about me. When the world tried to tell me, "you can't", God said, "You Can". I want to encourage you by saying, our worth is not in a diagnosis, our worth is in Jesus Christ! He has the final say not us.

Friends, God's grace carried me here, and by His grace you'll make it through too. <3